On Recovery: Physical Therapy and the Gym
I went to the gym today, I ache in places I'm not used to, but I feel good.
The college gym is a weird place.
When I was an athlete in high school, any time I went into the weight room was a dissociative experience at best. I'd follow the routine our coach set, I'd put on my own music, and I would hardly interact with anything other than the raw push of my body against metal and solid surfaces. I loved the explosive impact of some of our workouts, I hated anything that put pressure on my back, and I worked out until I couldn't anymore.
Then I got hurt.
Delayed rehabilitation from injury leads to atrophy, the weakening of things you trusted. By this point, my body was beginning to fail in other ways, more falls, a shoulder dislocation, the migraines, vomiting, so when my knee collapsed in on itself as I fell on the ice, this was just another matter that pulled me away from the explosiveness of exercise and the rush it gave my body.
Then the pandemic hit, and the pain got progressively worse.
Without the rush of most of my passions to keep me on edge, despite avoiding sickness, I got sicker, and the pain got worse. The long standing back pain and muscle aches turned into days that left me in my bed. The falls kept happening. I couldn't sleep.
Trials of drugs be damned, not a single one has worked, there's an obvious avoidance for certain classes of pain killers, but Gabapentin keeping me asleep for 12+ hours wasn't worth the marginal pain relief. Weed is only a marginal help in a sea of ache.
The next step was physical tending, and admittedly my first physical therapist was nothing but a bust. Physical therapy with the two doctors I see now is an effort in routine and building gradual strength.
The two gentlemen I work with are great at listening to my concerns and my experiences, is the first thing. The psychosomatic lectures come, and they go, but the pain doesn't stop, so we work on developing strength and making the muscles, joints and bones in my body feel like mine.
A notable experience I've had with PT was the sensation of Electric Shock Therapy with dry needling. The almost nothing sensation of micro-needles plunged into my back, knees or calves. These needles would be hooked to a unit to dispense the electricity, pulsing controlled shocks through the targeted area. My muscles would often fire too much, or not fire at all, and this was like the defibrillator each part of me needed to feel like it was truly in my control.
Outside of these sessions, the sessions maintained exercises that build on strength, movement of the body, repetition, careful sets. I try very hard to not overextend my flexible joints. I have a set of bands I've been slowly working through on stretch after stretch.
I've wanted to practice more somatic and body movement for a long time, I've had a yoga mat for stretches, and workout on my tile floors. I've started a few routines, which I plan on putting into a playlist soon, but it's improved my flexibility and the energy in my body, I like to do these practices alone, and in the dark, to put myself in touch with my body and focus on the instruction instead of what is around me.
So I am led here, months of sessions of PT, working more in more into my routine because I felt safe to, with the guidance of arguably my favorite doctors I've had throughout my routine. So while I'm riding the therapeutic bike, the suggestion for finally using my college gym membership is welcomed.
I woke up early, took a shower and got dressed, I packed up my things, and went on my way. The travel to the gym sucks, as most public transit does and I worked my way to the gym.
Once I was there, I realized I was a bit ill prepared in terms of my phone, music, storage etc, but I spent this session splitting between cardio and leg based exercises, stretches with weight resistance, and exploring the space.
I was stunned at how mindless I felt. I just pushed through the ride or the sets of exercises and trusted my body. For the most part, I biked, to work on my legs, and it really did help in that regard. My first biking break, I went with some weighted chest presses, then went upstairs to take some practiced stretches and sets of PT exercises.
The area for mats is weird, a cornered area with mirrors and various crossfit and specific routine equipment, but all I needed was a mat and three pound weights. Again, here, the ache was good, I felt in my body, and the lack of music was soothing.
After these stretches, I explored and walked to cool down, and got to a machine that just utterly kicked my ass. similar to a biking machine, but I rotated a pair of handles against my own weight resistance as if I was climbing. I am still feeling this in my chest and arms.
I finished up with one last bike ride that pushed me to my limit, then I ended my session with a terrible terrible protein shake from the shop next to the gym. Never again.
I'm still feeling weirdly right. There's pain in my body, but it feels manageable compared to debilitating. I have the unending urge to move, which I suspect has something to do with my medication combination.
Though, the way I feel connected to my body is almost the best part, like I was in control in a way I cannot often reach. I want to go again, soon. I want to make this a routine.
I know I cannot push myself too hard, or I again risk further injury, but I desperately need to try.